Random

What if Premarital Sex is not an offense in Christianity? I would have probably done it with someone I am lusting with.

What if Lesbianism is not an illness as seen by other people? I would probably flaunt my relationship status.

What if killing is not a crime after all? I would have probably killed those people who had abused me sexually, physically and emotionally.

What if thoughts could kill? I would have probably killed those people who have offended me.

and what if, just what if I do not exist in this world? Then there isn’t probably a woman who rants about her life on this online writing. There would not be a person who would share her thoughts on the internet who would ask What If…

(Random thoughts)

Confession Night

I’m back. It’s 1:12am. Why am I back? I’m not even sure. I just probably want to let this out. I am sex addict. I was in denial for probably 29 years, and tonight I want to say that I am a sex addict.

I love sex, hard sex, wild sex and probably all kind of sex. I watch pornographic material a lot whenever I’m stress, and that makes me feel guilt after. by the way, I’m a virgin.

29 years old, sex addict and a virgin. How’s that so? I’m not sure too. I haven’t tried real sex but I know it feels good. A little background about myself, should help us understand on what’s happening in damn life.

When I was 6 years old, I was harassed and raped by my grandfather (mother’s side). I didn’t like and that’s for sure, however eventually I get used to the sensation and that’s touching myself.

I am a victim but not sure if a survivor.

Tonight, something happened. I just pleasured myself and I felt so much guilt. I wish have not done it. I wish I have not watched that pornographic material, and I wish didn’t want it..but I did.

“You should pray and confess” conscience said.

I did. It didn’t work. I have not changed. I probably did for a couple of days, but I still come back.

Oh Lord forgive me for all of these.

I’m back, because I probably would want to share my struggle or not? and I do not want to sugarcoat it or not.

By the way in my previous post last year, I was ranting about my job. An update! I’ve got a job now. I mean last year. I’m a teacher. My dad succeeded. I felt the same way.

(P.s I don’t feel like editing this. So I’m seriously sorry for grammatical error)